Take TURNS Logo
Home | About Us | Contact Us

You've managed to work out a fitness plan for other areas of your life such as diet, exercise, friendships, finances, etc. But what about the fitness of your relationship?

Take TURNS — Managing Conflict

Even the most ideal couples have problems from time to time. Taking TURNS can be an important ingredient in strengthening your relationship. Why? Because it provides the necessary framework to make adjustments for the partnership to work.

Work It Out

Although you may face stumbling blocks somewhere along the way, don't give up. If your relationship isn't working, take measures to improve it now. It's important not to wait until your dissatisfaction increases to the point where the only recourse seems to be divorce or an emotional estrangement while living together. Remember that everyone contributes to some of the problems a relationship faces because every individual is flawed in some way.

Managing Conflict by Taking TURNS

Conflict isn't necessarily a bad thing. In fact, conflicts in relationships can be constructive when used as a vehicle for improving communication. When you encounter conflict in your relationship, try taking TURNS to manage it respectfully and calmly. The following five steps can help you use conflict as a tool for gaining clarity, creating deeper understanding and strengthening relationships.

Talk
Unify
Recognize
Neutralize
Strategize

Talk. Take turns talking. Do not talk or yell over each other. Otherwise neither of you will be heard. When it is your turn to speak, state your side of things as calmly as you can and explain yourself as clearly as possible. When you are done, let the other person speak and state their side of things and respond to what you have said. Remember to talk so your spouse will listen and listen so your spouse will talk. Pay close attention and listen to what is being said. Many times, conflict arises from a simple lack of understanding or miscommunication. Avoid making assumptions about what you hear. Instead, ask for clarification if it is not clear to you. For instance, "I heard you say XYZ, is that what you meant?"

Unify. Unify around the central point of the disagreement and try to stay in the present. Take several deep breaths and try to remember that what is happening now is completely separate from the past. You can manage conflict more effectively if you deal only with the matter at hand. When you start introducing memories and past disagreements into the current situation, it will be tough to get past the history of bad feelings to work toward a positive outcome.

Recognize. Recognize the other person's point of view. You don't have to agree to understand the other point of view. Simply acknowledging and validating someone's feelings can be a powerful tool for resolving conflict positively. At the end of the day, most people just want to be heard.

Neutralize. Neutralize the situation and any escalating emotions and unhealthy thoughts. Resist the urge to blame your partner for all of the troubles in your relationship. Everything can't be one person's fault. Explore the feelings that come up and realize that sometimes conflict escalates because something about the situation is an emotional trigger for us. If you're feeling upset by the conversation, try to determine where the feeling is coming from.

Strategize. Come up with a strategy for a fair course of action. Now that you have a clear idea of what the problem is and where the person is coming from, it is time to explore some solutions. Make suggestions that the two of you can discuss together. Choose the soundest option that you can agree on. Plan to revisit your decision within a specified period of time to see how you are doing and what changes, if any, need to be made. If you feel that you need the objective view of another person, speak to a pastor, priest, rabbi, trusted third party, or a counselor.

Strengthen Your Relationship by Taking TURNS

Trust
Unity
Respect
Nurture
Support

Read more...
_______________

Sidebar2callalilies_______________

Take TURNS
When Dealing With Conflict

Talk
Unify
Recognize
Neutralize
Strategize

Read more...